"Does that come with a side of shame?" This is the new sandwich at KFC, it’s called the double down. If you’re wondering why you haven’t seen or heard of this, it’s because it’s only at select locations now, namely Providence, Rhode Island and Omaha, Nebraska. I can only assume this is so they can monitor the hospitals in those areas for any spikes in the number of heart attacks reported before they decide if this gastronomic monstrosity is safe.
Let me walk you through it. It’s a sandwich with chicken breasts for bread, and in the middle there are two kinds of cheese, bacon, and something called the Colonel’s sauce. This is the latest example in what I like to refer to as the post-“Super-Size Me” fast food steering-into-the-skid strategy. “Yeah, fast food is bad for you. We know it, you know it, so fuck it. Let’s see how bad we can make it before the FDA steps in. Come on, eat it, we dare you!”
The sad thing is, I want one so bad that my mouth is watering right now as I type this. I’ve been conditioned like a lab rat through years of fast food advertising. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming them. I’m a weak-willed fat tub of goo, and it’s my own damn fault. I just wish I could get this worked up about something that was good for me. I always thought that biology made us like things that we needed. Sex feels good, so we’ll procreate. The features that we find attractive in the opposite sex are usually indicative of health and suitability to produce healthy children. Poison tastes bad, so we won’t eat it. If we do something bad to our bodies, we feel pain, so we’ll stop. So why then does all the food that’s killing us taste so good?
I’d love to go on, but it’s almost lunch time and I’m making myself hungry. Fuck it, how far is Rhode Island?
http://www.avclub.com/articles/kfcs-double-down-sandwich,32804/
I thought KFC was switching to marginally healthier food? All the ones around here are advertising "Kentucky Grilled Chicken".
ReplyDeleteWe're one step closer to the Simpsons' "Good Morning Burger" aren't we?
Taking one of your questions too seriously -- our bodies are conditioned for survival. When it comes to food, our bodies still think it's the stone age and make us crave food with high fat content so we can survive the winter months when food is scarce. I remember Discovery or TLC had some show about weight loss, and they even said that those who find it easy to pack on the pounds are technically evolutionarily advanced!
Art
Thanks Art, now I know. And knowing is half the battle. Now I can tell people that I'm not fat, I'm just highly evolved.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking about the Good Morning burger too, and how it's funny that in just a scant few years that parody is now tamer then reality. If someone had pitched the Double Down for that joke in the Simpsons' writer room, they would have said 'Nah, that's just too ridiculous'.
Here's another parody of America's fast food gluttony, courtesy of SNL.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.hulu.com/watch/1447/saturday-night-live-taco-town
How long before this too becomes real, and what kind of amorphous gelatinous blobs will we have evolved into by then? Man, I'm depressed. I think I'll go grab a taco.
I want one of these. I may die in the attempt, but posterity will thank me for my brave exploration of the gastronomical frontier.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite junk food from a few years ago was Wendy's Baconator. Tasty, but I sometimes found it (literally) hard to swallow.
ReplyDeleteI also liked that Baconator was a clever portmanteau of "bacon" (which it had a lot of) and "defibrillator" (which you need after you eat one.
Art
I am not even remotely tempted. I stopped finding KFC's chicken tasty -- even in a "I know it's bad for me, but..." kind of way -- years ago.
ReplyDeleteYeah all I hear about is this damn double down. I am a glutton for Burger King's Stacker and I am ashamed to admit that I have had a quad, now mind you I had no room for the fries!! In case you have not had one it's basically beef, cheese and bacon! *drools*
ReplyDeleteThat last post btw was Helen, she was no logged in to her account, so sorry for any confusion.
ReplyDeleteWendy's also has a sandwich called a double stack for $.99. Not as good as the BK Stacker, but still good (in a bad way).
ReplyDeleteArt
I think when philosophers and historians look back at the early 21st Century and ask, what was the downfall of man? It will be the dollar double cheese burger.
ReplyDelete