You know those blogs where some nerd thinks that he has something profound and important to say, like his opinions are somehow important enough that he has to share them with the world, but in reality he's a just a sad man looking for approval? Yeah, this is another one of those. But at least I'm honest about it.
I've been thinking about traditions recently. The good, the bad, and the tradition for the sake of tradition. When I was a kid, Thanksgiving meant the whole extended family would get together at my grandmother's house or my uncle's house. We'd watch football and make small talk with cousins that I got to see only a few times a year. We'd gorge ourselves on turkey and stuffing, then fall asleep on the couch watching more football. Then we'd wake up and have pie. Then we'd wrap up a plate of leftovers with foil and go home and call it a day. But now that I'm an adult, getting the extended family together is much more difficult. I've got a family of my own now, complete with inlaws, and so does my sister. So now we all kind of do our own think and maybe we get together for dessert or something. So some traditions stay, like the turkey and the stuffing, and others go. I would have thought that I would miss those other traditions, but I really don't. It turns out that making new traditions is just as fun.
Case in point. I didn't watch any football on Thanksgiving at all. For a couple reasons. One, my Eagles weren't playing, so I really didn't care about any of the other games. And watching a football game that you don't care about with a room full of uncles and cousins is one thing, watching it alone is boring. Plus, I'm tired of watching the Lions and the Cowboys play every year. That's definitely one tradition that can end. And no, I didn't watch the parade either. I partook in a new holiday tradition. The holiday cable TV marathon.
TVLand had a "Brady Bunch" marathon. A&E had a "First 48" marathon. The Travel Channel had a "_____ Paradise" marathon (Donut Paradise, Deep Fried Paradise, Steak Paradise, etc.) And the one that I settled in with, Discovery Channel had a "Mythbusters" marathon. So I spent my Turkey day watching Adam and Jaime blow shit up. So what did you guys do?
So every once in a while I do manage to see a newer movie, one that’s still out in theaters. Sometimes it’s even a grown-up movie, as opposed to the ones I take my daughter to see. And while I’m sure that all of the five-year-olds in my reading audience would love to hear my thoughts on “Partly Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs”, this week I thought I’d bring you all up to speed on “Paranormal Activity”. As I’m sure you’ve heard, “Paranormal Activity” has become the most profitable movie of all time, since it only cost $11,000 to make. Americans love a success story, almost as much as they like getting scared.
Meet Micah and Katie. Micah is a day trader, and apparently a pretty good one considering the house they live in and their very large television. Katie is a student and has been experiencing paranormal activity since she was young. One of them is an asshole, and the other is an idiot. I’ll let you decide which is which. They decide to setup a camera in their bedroom to catch some of the shenanigans and goings on. Some lights go on and off, some doors move on their own, and that’s what passes for scares in the first half of the movie. During the daylight hours, Micah follows Katie around with the camera and the two argue. And argue. And argue. Oh boy do they argue. This movie is about 90% arguing and around 10% scares. Micah antagonizes the spirit (whatever it is), some weird shit happens, Katie yells at Micah that the camera isn’t helping (though why it was supposed to is never really made clear), escalate and repeat. There are a few genuinely creepy moments and a couple of scares, but most of the movie is spent waiting for something to happen. That’s why I think there are so many audience reaction shots in the trailer. They set up the tension so thick that the audience ends up jumping and screaming to nothing more then loud thumps.
I won’t spoil the ending, but I will say that I think it works. Is it enough of a payoff to justify and hour and a half of watching a couple fight and some doors open, I guess that’s up to you. Here are a few things that I think they could have done to make the movie better:
At the end, the camera turns to reveal Jason Vorhees, who then puts a machete through the two leads’ heads.
When they are running through the first floor of their house at night, chasing phantom noises, Heather Donohue should run through their kitchen and scream JOSH!
Ashton Kutcher shows up at their door and tells them that they’re being punk’d. Then he pulls of his mask to reveal that he’s really M. Night Shyamalan. He says “What a twist!”, and then he puts a machete through the two leads’ heads.
Remember when MTV used to be about the music? Yeah, me neither. What about SyFy, remember when they were all about Sci-Fi and spelling things correctly? Crazy, I know. All cable stations seem to start out focused on some niche market, and as soon as they become popular, they completely abandon it. Why? Because popularity means viewers, and viewers mean sponsors, and sponsors mean money, and money means more money and the desire for more money, and that means making sure that the network has the broadest appeal possible. So now we have no music on MTV, wrestling on SyFy, and reality shows EVERYWHERE! So what, you may say. This is hardly new, why talk about it now? Because I’m starting to see the effects of this phenomenon on one of my favorite channels, and once something affects me personally it then becomes important.
I can’t be the only one who watches the Food Network, right? I mean, it’s statistically impossible. The whole point of this trend is that it happens to networks that become too popular. The personalities are so famous now that they’re getting network shows and national endorsement deals. So why does no one else I talk to ever admit to watching it? Why do people think it’s so weird whenever I watch it? Is it some kind of guilty pleasure thing that I’m just too stupid to feel guilty about? My point is, the Food Network used to be about the food (MAAAAAN!!!!). And for the most part, it still is, but I can see the signs. First there was “The Next Food Network Star”, and then there was “Ace of Cakes” and “The Next Iron Chef” and “Dinner Impossible”. They were easy to avoid at first, but they’re multiplying. But I think none of these shows illustrates my point and shows the progression of the trend better than “Food Network Challenge”.
“Food Network Challenge” started its life by televising actual cooking competitions, ones that existed with or without the Food Network. It was interesting for all the reasons that reality TV is supposed to be interesting and yet never is, because it was real. Real real, not ‘Flavor of Love’ real. And then they started making their own challenges, which was fine. Most of these involved chocolate or sugar sculptures. Then they realized that people liked it when the sugar sculptures would break. It was dramatic, it was heart-wrenching, it was other people’s pain on display, which is exactly what reality TV is all about. So they made them carry their pieces to the judging table. And when that didn’t result in enough broken pieces, they made them carry it through an obstacle course. Okay, a little much but I can put up with it. I think the turning point for me was when they started doing the judging American Idol style, in front of the audience and the contestant in question, complete with snarky comments and soul-crushing cruelty.
The last one was a Simpsons cake challenge, for the twentieth anniversary of the show. And for an additional degree of difficulty, each cake artist was paired with a Simpsons super-fan as an assistant, who knew nothing about making cakes (or more accurately, the sculptures that are made out of cake that these shows create). And then they brought in Yeardley Smith, who knows nothing about cakes, to pick the winner. This isn’t even a legitimate competition anymore, it’s just a series of situations that are designed to make people have a nervous breakdown on television for our viewing pleasure.
This may seem like a lot of complaining over nothing, and mostly it is. My point is simply this: Everything does not need to be turned into a reality show! Every menial profession, every vapid celebutant, every has been or Z-list celebrity with nothing going on, and every moron on the street who wants to be famous without having to actually do anything to earn it DOES NOT NEED A TELEVISION SHOW REVOLVING AROUND THEM! We’re becoming a society of voyeurs and exhibitionists, of narcissists indulging in cruelty and classism, worshipping the false idols and equating fame with success instead of any kind of actual achievement. I know it seems harmless, but it’s bad for us, and we all need to stop.
And for all of those people who enjoy these shows ironically, you’re only encouraging them.
Okay, the last one doesn't have anything to do with Halloween, but I still don't like it. Please comply with this request or I shall be forced to use violence. That is all.
I’ve mentioned before in this blog my secret shame of not being as big a comic book fan as I feel I should be. My main exposure to these characters has always been through TV and movies, as a kid I never actually picked up a comic book. So because of that my knowledge has always only focused on mainstream characters. But in 2005 all of that changed when the cartoon series Justice League became Justice League Unlimited, and a slew of more obscure DC characters joined the roster. I was suddenly introduced to all these characters, some of which I had never even heard of before, and I became intensely interested in more than a few. Thanks to Wikipedia, and a few friends of mine who actually know a thing or two about comic books, I’ve learned more about these characters. But still I yearn to know more. Bring me into your four color world comic book characters, and teach me how to live!
I should also mention that almost all of these characters have made appearances in my fan fiction series “Justice League Xander”, in which I cast Xander from Buffy the Vampire Slayer into the role of some of DC’s coolest non-powered heroes. I’ll include links for anyone who’s interested.
5. Mr. Terrific
In JLU, Mr. Terrific only appeared a few times, and never in any kind of action capacity. He took over for Martian Manhunter running the Watchtower and coordinating the League’s missions. So what could have possibly attracted me to this character with such little screen time? The name, which sounds ridiculous even by DC Comics standards? Maybe it was the fact that he was billed as the third smartest man in the world.
My research told me that this was actually the second hero to use the name Mr. Terrific, and that he fought crime with tiny floating balls called T-Spheres. The Wikipedia page doesn’t have much I’m afraid, which has only peaked my curiosity. Enough to seek him out in comic book form? No. Enough to fit him into my fanfic? Why yes, how did you know. Mr. T has made an appearance in “An Arrow’s Flight”, my Xander as Speedy story, and I’m currently kicking around an idea for another story with him in a more central role. I guess it’s the idea of a superhero fighting crime with his wits and his intellect that interests me.
4. Shining Knight
The ultimate fish out of water, Shining Knight is a knight from Arthurian legend displaced in the modern age. I guess what drew me to the character was the impossible situation that he’s been placed in, living in a world that he doesn’t understand, and yet he remains true to himself and his values. I remember noticing him on the show around the same time I noticed Vigilante. Seeing the two of them together, the cowboy and the knight, before I knew anything about them, they were like the Justice League’s version of the Village People. All they needed was a construction worker and an Indian chief and they would have been complete. But the friendship of those two characters turned out to be one of the most interesting things about them on the show. Two heroes from different eras, fighting along side the Justice League in the modern world. It was like a nod the DC Comics beginnings, bridging the gap between that and the future.
The nobility of the character made me think that it would be a good fit for Xander, and so I wrote “Shining White Knight”, which saw Xander displaced into the future in the world of Batman Beyond, where he takes up the mantle of Shining Knight.
3. Vigilante
When I was a kid, my dad used to watch a lot of Westerns, and I was always bored by them. I guess I just always associated them with old movies and old fashioned story telling, which didn’t interest me as a child. Then I saw Tombstone, and everything changed. Kurt Russel and Val Kilmer were so badass in that movie, Westerns took on a whole new light for me and the cowboy as hero character became really interesting to me. Especially after I realized that characters like Han Solo, with his low slung blaster holster and his kicky vest, are basically cowboys. They’re rebels and rougues, but there’s a simple morality to them too, a very black and white sense of right and wrong. So when Vigilante showed up on JLU, I took an interest, even before I heard him speak. And when I heard Nathan Fillion doing his voice, the character really fleshed out and became interesting.
His wiki page reveals a very old history, and an interesting one at that. In researching most of these characters I’ve realized what a rich history that DC comics has. When even the minor characters have 60 plus years of continuity, he can be intimidating.
One of the other things that attracted me to the character, and something that I worked into my Xander story, was the fact that we never saw his face. It was the mysterious stranger character that’s so common in Westerns. What is he hiding? What happened in his past that made him who he is and makes him do what he does? These are some of the themes that I borrowed for “My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys”.
2. Green Arrow
I’ve always liked archers, I don’t really know why. I remember the old Iron Man cartoon from the 90’s and really liking Hawkeye. Maybe because it’s just so unconventional, for a modern hero to fight crime with such an old fashioned weapon. There’s a romance to it as well, which I supposed is owed in no small part to Robin Hood, especially in Green Arrow’s case. Of all the characters on this list, he’s probably had the most screen time on JLU. When the League first went unlimited, Batman recognized the danger in creating such a large, powerful organization. Even though they had the best of intentions, there was the possibility that their power could be abused. Green Arrow was specifically recruited to be a voice for the regular guy, and to remind these heroes that their powers did not give them the right to cross the line, no matter what the reason. And in that regard, GA had a very important role on the show; the every man.
Xander is also an every man, which I felt made it a natural progression. In “An Arrow’s Flight”, he becomes Green Arrow’s sidekick because he admires him so much. The fact that a regular guy can work hard and accomplish great things without super powers is a reoccurring theme with most of these characters.
1. The Question
My friend Art (Scarecrows_Brain) and I had a discussion once about Batman. Specifically the idea that Bruce Wayne created the Batman persona to strike fear into criminals. Art contended that if in real life a man were to dress like a bat, criminals wouldn’t be scared of him, they would laugh at him and shoot him in the face (feel free to correct me Art if you feel that I’m misquoting you). This led to the question, which hero’s costume would work to that extent in real life? My answer: The Question. If a man approaches you in a dark alley, dressed in a suit and a long coat, and he doesn’t have a face, I don’t know about you but that would scare the shit out of me. When you can’t read facial expressions, you don’t know if he’s smiling or if he’s about to kill you, it’s unnerving. You can project anything onto that blank face, your worst fears.
On JLU Question (voiced by Jeffrey Combs) was played as a conspiracy nut, someone that the other Leaguers didn’t necessarily take seriously all the time. But in the end, The Question’s theories almost always proved to be true. He knows his stuff and he does his homework. He’s smart, not Albert Einstein smart or even Batman smart necessarily, but smart because he pays attention to everything and he knows how to read people and how to ask the right questions. I always felt like his conspiracy buff reputation spawned from the fact that his mind was sharp enough to make connections that no one else could see, that no one else would even think to consider. And his relationship with Huntress on the show added a vulnerability to the character and a humanity that made him not only interesting, but made you care about him.
The theme of masks is another common element in Xander fic, and one that I used for my stories “No Answers, Just Questions” and its sequel "Choices We Make". I like to think that I did the character justice, at least as far as the JLU version of the character. This is the one character on this list that I am planning on going back and reading the old comics, I’ve become that interested.
